Hello, can anyone tell me if it is safe to go outside again?
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I've been locking myself away for so long, afraid of all the things happening out there in the big, bad world.
And I just want to know if it safe yet to open the door and poke my head out.
Has the danger passed?
Have the politicians all retreated to their natural habitats instead of roaming the streets looking for hands to shake, babies to kiss, ill-fitting hard hats to wear?
And it's not just the real politicians, but all the would-be representatives that have been presenting the real danger, lurking around, looking for any gathering of people so they can pounce and make whatever pronouncements they think will win votes.
Let's face it, we've been hit with wave after wave of would-be-if-they-could-be pollies.
But after council elections, the federal election, and most recently a state election, I think I'm well and truly past political promises and having to choose who I dislike the least.
And the worst thing is there are some who keep popping up again and again.
It's as if they're saying, "Look, I know you didn't vote for me at that other level, but if I try really hard to hide my craziness will you vote for me now?"
All I want to do is cross my forearms in front of my chest and say "No deal!" with all the energy I can muster.
But then again I fear engaging with any of the sulphur-crested vote collectors might be a mistake, as initiating any sort of conversation is a bit like feeing the wildlife - making them dependent and potentially dangerous when the nourishment is cut off.
No, best off treating them like one of those dodgy telemarketers calling from overseas call centres, and disconnect as quickly as possible lest any word or phrase be misconstrued as some sort of support.
Or better still, stay inside until the danger has passed.